This was a blues exercise for my Berklee Songwriting Workshop class. It’s more gospel than blues, but you just can’t separate the two.
The lyrics are dummy lyrics. Here’s what my teacher had to say:
This is a great example of blues melody and harmony working beautifully to express a lyrical sentiment. Nice job there. Looks like you’ve got two verses here. Because the harmony resolves at the end of the second verse, it doesn’t suggest proceeding into a chorus. And that’s exactly what you do, moving into an instrumental section rather than a chorus that sums up the song. My question is, if this is a verse/refrain then, or verse verse/refrain, what is your hook or title? That title should sit right at the end of that second verse. As you’ve got it, ‘I guess my chance with you is blown’ is the title. However, I think you can do better. What you’re looking for is a line that knocks us over because of it’s ability to sum up the rest of the song. The other option is, of course, moving into a chorus by keeping that last harmonic movement open…G-7….F/A….Bb…C7sus…C7.
Great job on this assignment,
Andrea
As you can tell, she’s damn good in her critique!
Now that you’ve gone gone away
My days are grey
I have so much to say
But I’ll never get the chance
To show you a fine romance
So now I lay here all alone
Calling your cell phone
All I get is your dial tone
I guess my chance with you is blown
Download: Gone Away